Friday, February 1, 2013

DATE FASHION: So, it's 2am, and you can't walk

Carrrrrrrrryyyyyy meeeeeee
Sigh, I see this problem all the time. Women going out at 9, in their eleven inch Jimmy Choo's and for some reason, circa, sadly ten minutes or hopefully four hours later, they're rolling around on skateboards like Roman Gypsies. Not cute.

The solution: Flats or Flipflops
Now I know neither of these shoe types make your fourteen inches taller. But if your spine is on the brink of collapse because you didn't realize that your one-size-too-small-Forever 21 Beyonce pumps weren't going to get you through the night, you listen closely.

Are luckily in. If you get a cute ballet shoe, you can roll it up in your purse with ease. I find flats usually don't give me enough back support, but it's better than paralysis.
Get your flats here

Flip Flops
The ugly, less socially acceptable cousin of the flat. So they probably won't let you into the club in these bad boys (anywhere but LA) BUT you can always stick 'em in your clutch. Again, there is the "butt doesn't look amazing" argument again but as long as you can get to your taxi or Tracy's car, it really doesn't matter what you look like. Haivana's are my go to, their a little expensive but they last forever and come in great colors.

Flats and Flip Flops on Dates: Go For It.Even if they are not your primary shoe of the evening, you should bring these as a back up when you inevitably wish you hadn't put your car on the scary side of Griffith Park. You'd be surprised to learn that most men actually think that women are idiots for going out in high heels. That although they make your butt look fabulous, turns out, your butt looks way more fabulous if you aren't limping on a mailbox outside of stupid clubs like Menage.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Poutine Pursuits

Again, being new to the Portland area, I'm learning about the local cuisine.  Voodoo Donuts, Brewery Fresh Beer, and apparently Poutines.  Poutines are Canadian concoctions of French Fries, Cheese Curds, and Gravy to which your nutritionist says no but my beau says HELL YES.

There are several resources for Poutine greatness (which must be derived from the French "Putain" which means something your cholesterol says to you as you're inhaling the delicioutude that the Poutine holds.)  The resource I used for the following information is:  They know poutines and I am using their website to choose where we're going tonight (instead of the Opera).

Best eaten hot (nothing gets mushy)
Pairs best with beer

Your First Time: Potato Champion"The fries are excellent, and there are plenty of cheese curds plopped on top. The gravy though, is strange. It’s oniony and tart."
*Lamb Poutine: Lincoln (Happy Hour only)
"There was a lot of ultra-tender bites of meat, with hearty, well bodied, and dare I say soulful gravy. The curds appeared to be cheddar and the fries were up to snuff "
Canada Day Go To: Victory Bar
"The excellent french fries, chunks of melty cheddar. The bacon gravy rested mostly at the bottom the plate, but morsels of thick cut bacon remained atop the fries and cheddar."
*Skanky and Cheesy: Savoy Tavern and Bistro
Resembles fondue. Not for want of Cheese. "The gravy was tasty and well seasoned...fries were crispy"

NW Best Poutine: Laurelwood NW Publichouse
"The small was plenty. The french fries are a mix of sizes and crispinesses, the cheese curds are plentiful and cheddary, and the Mother Lode Golden Ale Gravy is delicious. This is one of the better poutines in town."
Best Vegetarian Gravy: Hawthorne Hophouse
 Meaty and Herby without the meat
Delicious and Unorthodox: Papa Haydn
"Topped with parmesan cheese, not cheese curds. And the chicken gravy contained spinach....Kennebeck fries...The gravy, though it could have handled a bit more seasoning, had the right viscosity – it clung nicely to the fries. It also contained chunks of perfectly moist pulled chicken.
C Bar: SE Poutines
Topped with collard greens. The fries, seasoned with salt and smoked paprika (aka vegan bacon), are crisp and smoky.
Classiest: Irving Street Kitchen
Delicious "Uniform bricks of golden yellow fries, and a light, dare I say, dainty white cheese a piece of art on a plate....The gravy had the authenticity and heft of duck fat." (Not on the regular menu)  KNOTE: Also apparently they have a butterscotch pudding that looks amazing
Cheapest: Jolly Roger (East)
$3!  "Damn good, The fries were the weak point of this poutine.  Gravy was damn close to typical Quebec poutine sauce (sticky, brown, and salty)." Looks mostly like cheese fries but I trust these guys reviews

Friday, January 7, 2011

Cold Date Does and Don'ts

Date Night!

I'm back ya'll and after a brief hiatus in France, I am actually staying in Portland, OR for a bit.  Being in Portland I'm learning about "Cold Dates" which I've always theoretically liked but in practice found that I was really cold and even the warmth of my beau, I was forced to stand next to the 7-11 hotdog warmer until I could feel my hands again.

I am slowly learning how to date in this weather, so let's begin.
  1. DON'T wear inappropriate clothing for the weather: Coats always, Pant's Probably.  Your date will think you are an idiot if you didn't know it was cold in the snow.
  2. DON'T rely on cheap stocking: They don't keep you warm when it's actually cold, only in Beverly Hills in the Summer.
  3. DO Layer Inappropriate Clothing: For new years I wore my cute black dress with black tights, bright blue long underwear, black UnderArmour.  No-One could see the difference.
  4. DO Remove Extra Layers in the Powder Room: Learn by Doing.  I would have discreetly changed out of the extra layers in the powder room if there wasn't such a line and the Waitress hadn't caught me undressing in the closet...Cold Date Faux Pas.
  5. DO Bring an umbrella: I know it's not cool to use an umbrella in Portland.  It's not cool to walk in LA. I get it. However, Umbrellas = Longterm Dryness and Warmth.
  6. DO Bring a Layer Bag: Rookie mistake.  Bring a tasteful GIANT bag to keep your stupid layers in so you don't look like such an idiot every time you walk into ANYWHERE.

Burger Dates in Portland

Being new to the area, and a cheeseburger Connoisseur, I am always hot to try the burgers of the region (Bourguignon...Burgernion).  Upon searching for datey options I came upon: The Portland Burger Blog.  I love when blogspotters get big!

1.  You and your date should independently review the site in advance and come together with your top three options.  Kiss it out, determine the couple favorite and head over there.
2.  Arrive at the location, ask the waiter for their most popular item and evaluate. (Low Fat Alternative: Have a salad and split the burger so you can both taste the goodness). 
3.  If you decide to do this as a regular activity, fun albeit fattening, I recommend perhaps once a week or every couple of weeks.  Keep track of your favorite. Compete. Enjoy!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

RomanTric: Yamashiro on le Cheap

Apparently at Yamashiro, they have a complementary movie night every Wednesday.  In case you're wondering, Yamashiro, is known as one of the most expensive and incredibly delicious restaurants in LA.  And I'm looking at the menu and it isn't HORRIBLE, I mean $13 for awesome rolls and $30 Seared Ahi Tuna.  It isn't that bad.  In any case, the date: 

1.  Go to Yamashiro and get a couple too expensive, of course delicious rolls
2.  Watch the movie in their garden.  Shrek is playing May 19 and May 26 is Sex and the City.

Sounds incredible, let me know how it is, I'm going to try and make it.
More about the movies:


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Remembering Dates: Good Lovey Dovey Ideas

Here's an idea, apparently you can create your own Search Story online.  You put in a bunch of search questions that ultimately add up to some highly weepy conclusion.  My idea for one of these is to describe the times up until the point where you decided to ask them out for real.  It's a cute idea. Will totally make you cry.  Go for it:

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Sushi Dates: Sushi Etiquette


Monday, May 3, 2010

Date #24: Grilled Cheese & Anaconda Night: A Date that's Easy and Cheesy

Now I'm not complaining but there is definitely a certain amount of "Home-Ec" I missed out on in high school that has resulted in a declined capacity housewife [although I play scrabble and soccer very well]. Unfortunately, we are now in this epic zeitgeist where cooking is cool: it's Bourdain, it's the cooking channel, it's something you're going to have to do on a date eventually.
Although I do recommend learning to cook [Old Town Cooking School Date] there is an easy, albeit cheesy, romantic solution to the microwave-tv-dinner problem. So I introduce: The Grilled Cheese night.

Third dates: Perhaps a home visit.
1. Stovetop/Panini Maker: You will be mocked if you use a microwave.
2. Wheat bread: No panini maker, go with sliced bread
3. Cheese: Can't go wrong with kraft singles (my mom would kill me), chevre noir is a fancy goat cheese that's cheddared I recommend it for grilled cheeses so good.
4. Butter or olive oil: use this to lubricate the bread for grilling (butter is always better)
5. Wine and beer and your favorite dessert of your youth
6. Accoutrements: there are several different ingredients that can go on grilled cheese. I like sliced tomatos, others like bacon and pickles. have several options to customize.
6. Aprons: sexiest apron, men and women, is the half apron that goes from your waist down like chefs wear, hell yeah.
7. An awful movie: I recommend Anaconda or Zombieland

1. Invite your date over to your home tell them to bring their favorite childhood snacks .
2. Prepare ingredients, clean up your damn house, prepare roommates, light some candles.
3. When your date arrives you already have on your apron. Pop the cork, have them sit. Ask what they would like on the sandwich (show the accoutrements) and watch you put ingredients together and grill em. Chat about the favorite foods of your youth: Gushers, Snickers, Black Licorice (ew).
4. Finish the sandwiches, and sit down by the tv giggle about burning them insensitively, pop some gummi worms and watch your awful movie. Put your hand on their leg, put your arm around their shoulders. Anaconda will take care of the rest.


Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Grand Return: The Corsage

Although proms and 1950's dates have been the norm The Corsage is making it's way back into the dating scene. Corsages are flowers that come on elastic for your wrist (like the ones your mom made you get your girlfriend for prom). It's a great way to give a girl flowers on the cheap. They sell them at Vons and Ralphs for 4 dollars and at any Florist.

Roses are fine. I like a single big orchid or a gardenia. Under no circumstances are you allowed to have CARNATIONS.

Women that appreciate flowers, old stuff, swing dancing, vintage or who don't get romantic things very often. I think all women secretly want them. Mean girls probably don't like corsages.

I suggest bringing a corsage to spice up a mundane evening (3rd date?). Maybe you're just going to the movies. Maybe you're just going to Jamba Juice or a comedy show. It's a cute way to show you care and a smart way to get your girl to show you off.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Date #23: Eww Groooooosssss: A Tidepool Date

Tidepools are rocky pools of water on ocean beaches that fill with anemones, mysterious little crabs, and beautiful shells. They are all over the coast of California.

If you were raised in Southern California, you were inevitably dragged to visit the tidepools by teacher/mother/stupid little sister. But as we grew up, we forgot about these incredible micro-ecological delights and just realized their romantic potential.

Hit up one of many tidepool locations in the SoCal area. I purposely used this kid-website because the tidepools are more approachable and probably safer than others. These stretch from LA County to Orange County. I'm a big fan of the tidepools at Strands in Orange County. But there also incredible tidepools near Paradise Cove (which also has parking).

Your date should be prepared to get a little damp...When they inevitable stick their leg into an anemone nest. Make sure you're both prepared with sweaters and sneakers (I could never walk on the rocks in flip flops). Bring flip flops for the sand. Good bandelero purse for the ladies (or dolphins can steal your ipod)

great idea to store your expensive phones, keys while you dip in and out of the rocky terrain.

Walk around on the rocks, point out the grossest animals you can find. Poke some anemones (I don't know which ones careful). Say eww gross. It's a great opportunity to see how much your date can cowboy up. Find a shell to share. Whoever finds a starfish first doesn't have to pay for gellato.

As the tide comes in your tidepools generally disappear. Enjoy a sunset together, hold hands, make sand castles (mine always come out dirty). Kisses by the beach are always a little saltier, but somehow a little sweeter.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

So you've decided to invite your date over to your appartment

There gets to be a time in a dating situation where someone goes to someone's house (apartment, dorm.) This may be because you're cooking, you want to watch a movie know. This is a serious part in dating affairs and doesn't have to lead to sex, particularly the first time they come to your house.

The first time your dating interest comes to your house you want them to feel comfortable.
So take care.

1. Clean the damn place.
How your mom would clean it...FOR REAL. Dirty houses are really awful (clean couch, clean floor, clean sheets). Apparently candles are a sexy way to get rid of that smell (you know what I'm talking about).

2a. Warn your roommates (be they your best friends or your parents).
You want to let them know you're having company and set boundaries with them if you need. For instance, if you want to watch Anaconda with your beau you do not want your flouncy (often drunk) room-mate Lisa crawling all over your man. Give her 10 bucks for a movie or another cosmo. Tell her you need the living room. Tell her you need her to be scarce.
2b. Prepare for your beau to meet your roommates (be they best friends or parents).
If you're younger, it's appropriate for them to all meet. It's sort of a big step but it's never as weird as you think it's going to be (unless Lisa's your mom, eek).
3. Going into your room
If you live in a dorm it gets difficult. Often the only place to sit is the bed. This can feel really uncomfortable. Make an effort to get a couch that fits at least 2 people. Oh and I better not find out you didn't clean your room.

4. Clean your sheets
Doesn't matter if they're getting into them or not. Sheets smell up a room no matter what. Clean em for good measure (and good luck).

Friday, April 16, 2010

Date #22: Wurstküche (Not pronounced in a way that will offend her)

Wurstküche is the hottest dog place in Los Angeles right now. They have a gorgeous GORGEOUS array of sausages from Bratwurst to Filipino Marharlika. Here's the plan:

Definitely a Great Datey Experience for Late at Night. After a fancy show at the Walt Disney Hall it's a fun way to mix it up.

Although it looks pretty terrifying near Wurstküche just park close if the area makes you nervous. The scariest people there are NoHo Hipsters with creeper mustaches, "Creepsters" if you will. In any case, it may make your date nervous (it's in the heart of the Toy District) but its pretty innocuous.

Because the restaurant portion is pretty loud, the major portion of your date here will be in line. It's a good opportunity to cruise the menu, ask about Beer preferences (they have a great selection of Belgian Beers) and talk about which animals you're interested in eating today. Rattlesnake, Buffalo, Pig or Monkey**.

Waiting in line can be tedious for any couple, here are some little facts to get you through the standing part of the evening. Here's my Portuguese Sausage Story if you need material, leads into some good international animal name play.
• Sausages are mentioned in The Odyssey which was written by Homer more than 2,700 years ago.
• Sausages were called bangers during the Second World War because they contained so much water they exploded when fried.
• More sausages are eaten on Saturday than any other day.

So delicious, bring a pen and draw on the long papered tables, write little valentines and Hot Dog wishes. The restaurant is biggest in the back and you'll probably sitting next to all kinds of people from Los Angeles.

Magnificent. I adore the "Rabbit, Veal & Pork Seasoned with White Wine" but you could definitely be adventurous and show off a little. Unfortunately everything with Rattlesnake and Alligator isn't that awesome, do you want to show off at the risk of not eating your food. That's lame.* Don't miss the fries and as many of the sauces that sound good to you. I'm talking, Tzatziki, Curry Ketchup, Bleu Cheese Walnut and Bacon.
Here are some good resources if you want to know more about those little tubes of delicious...whatevers.

*Ignore anything with Alligator or Rattlesnake not very delicious.

*** It's more of an Orangutan...****
**** Maybe it's human...*****
***** They're so like us...******
****** No monkey at Wurstküche...*******
******* ...This time of year.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Flowers: Don't buy carnations

YES: flowers
NO: Carnations

Carnations are flowers that represent death and cheapness. If you're buying flowers, buy any other one. If you're buying a bouquet, ask the florist (or a woman) if there are carnations in it. I expect you to google it on your own.

TIP: Carnations are flowers with petals with Bart Simpson Hair edges. Don't buy them

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Date Idea #21: Laughgasms in Laughing Yoga

Some dates can be awkward.
Laughing yoga starts awkward.
But eventually, you're having such a good time that the rush of all the laughter results in riotous making out (with your date of course). It's worth a try: perhaps as a first date if you're sick of the usual internal laughter and awkwardness.

Essentially, for an hour you are forced to laugh through non-physically strenous "hee hee, haa haa" exercises. At first, it's completely awkward (knowing this in advance is key), but suddenly it actually becomes funny and you're laughing for real. The result is giggly fits of refreshing and revitalizing giggly giggles.

1. Dates should be told about this in advance.
2. JUMP OUT OF YOUR HEAD: Forget your every day and decide to have a good time for an hour. I noticed that closing my eyes creeped me out a little bit, opening up and watching your colleagues laugh their faces off totally helps.
3. TOUCHING: There are parts of the class where people tap you on the back and even massage (as part of an exercise). If you or your date are uncomfortable with this, feel free to step out of those exercises and continue laughing on the sidelines.

1. Find a local laughing yoga group. All the Laughter Yoga Groups in LA Area
2. Take your date to the event. Stretch a little bit, say hello to the others (establish you're on a date), maybe tell some jokes.
3. Get into it. Laugh and be creeped out at first and then really start to dig it. There are a couple key points where you're told to close your eyes and laugh. I found this uncomfortable, I decided to open my eyes and watch the people around the circle laughing and it was HILARIOUS.
4. Finish the session with some high fives and head to a local burger joint and a milkshake (Johnny Rockets)